Rejection is hard, and that first rejection for a teenager can be devastating. Here’s a guide for parents on the healthiest ways to help your teenager get over a breakup.
The pursuit of happiness is a worthwhile endeavor. Happiness brings all kinds of good things to our lives. But how do you make yourself be happy?
It turns out, it’s not exactly easy. Many of us make some common mistakes on the road to happiness. These five happiness habits have become common recommendations, but they don’t actually make you more happy at all!
Happiness Habit to Avoid #1: Filling Each Moment
If you’ve ever heard the phrase “live each day like it’s your last,” you’ve been on the receiving end of this bad habit. The mistake comes from a good place – we should savor our lives like the gifts they are. But this habit runs the risk of making us feel frantic and rushed, like we have to cram our lives full of unforgettable experiences. That’s stress, not happiness!
Instead, make sure you build time into your schedule for relaxation, hobbies, and peacefulness. I’m writing this sentence from a hammock right now, in fact! Don’t try to fill your life with so many opportunities that you don’t have time to enjoy just “being.”
Happiness Habit to Avoid #2: Purging
We’ve all been told that one of the true keys to happiness is accumulating experiences, not “stuff.” Research appears to concur that we all don’t need so many items lying around our house. But if you’ve ever cleaned house in a fit of fury and tossed away treasured mementos and memories, only to regret it later, you know the sad impact of this mistake. There’s such a thing as too much purging, and we run the risk of losing happy reminders of the past.
It’s a great idea to purge things that no longer serve you (see my previous entry on the 11 Things a Happy Person Doesn’t Keep Around the House). But don’t go too far. If it brings a smile or a tear, those memories are worth their weight in gold.
Happiness Habit to Avoid #3: Following Others’ Happiness
“That person looks so happy,” you think to yourself. “If only I <did yoga/ volunteered at a hospital/ knit my own sweaters/ learned how to surf/ fill in the blank> then I’d be that happy, too!” It’s true that there are some things that bring universal happiness. Volunteering, for example, has emotional benefits for nearly everyone. But you have to find your own unique calling, by volunteering for something that’s meaningful to you. Avoid tagging along on someone else’s path to happiness, and instead find the things that do it for you.
Happiness Habit to Avoid #4: Faking It ‘Till You Make It
We’ve been taught that if you make yourself smile, your attitude will naturally follow your outward expression. It turns out that’s wrong: a study from Michigan State University found that fake smiling can actually make you feel less happy and more emotionally drained. Instead of faking a smile, acknowledge your real feelings (even if only to yourself), then try to find an activity that will give you a genuine smile. I hear cat videos are readily available these days…
Happiness Habit to Avoid #5: Chasing Happiness
This might be the most counterintuitive lesson of them all: chasing happiness might actually make you feel worse. The reality is this: you can’t pursue happiness any more than you can avoid sadness. Both are feelings that come from simply being alive. By trying to chase the feeling of happiness, we set ourselves up to have a self-absorbed, ultimately shallow life (this Psychology Today article explains more about why).
Researchers say we shouldn’t chase happiness, but rather we should chase meaning. By living a meaningful life, full of purpose, we end up feeling happy and content as the end result. That’s a happiness that can last!
Don’t fall into the trap of these common happiness habits. They may be widespread and commonly recommended, but they won’t help you actually feel more happy in the long run.
How does an entrepreneur deal with stress? These three techniques – tailored specifically to the needs and worries of entrepreneurs – will help you feel peace, find moral support, and avoid stress triggers.
There have been several moments in life where I wanted to give up. I just couldn’t do it any more. Every one of those times, the problem in front of me seemed larger than I could cope with. I didn’t see how I could make any headway, or ever succeed or move past it.
Instead of giving up on life, I’ve learned a 3-step plan for shaking myself out of those moments. It’s simple, but I don’t mean to imply that it’s easy. Those “I give up” times in life are sneaky, and it can be hard to get out from under them. But it’s not impossible.
Step 1: Lean In to the Wallow
The pity party gets a bad rap. But taking a moment to indulge your sadness and frustration can be a good thing. In fact, one of the worst things you can do when you’re struggling is TRY to push through, but instead keep ruminating on the problem. Rumination and its verbal sibling, “venting,” keep you stuck and angry. It’s better to actually take a moment to feel your feelings, instead of pretending you’re okay or toughing it out.
Give yourself a few hours to wallow. Curl up in bed with a favorite treat food (not 5 favorites – you don’t want to add a sugar or salt crash to your emotional roller-coaster!) and Netflix. Take 10 minutes to write out your thoughts and frustrations. After those few hours are over, the indulging is over and it’s time to move forward to the next step.
Rumination and its verbal sibling, “venting,” keep you stuck and angry. It’s better to actually take a moment to feel your feelings
Step 2: Lend a Hand
Helping someone else is one of the best ways research has found to get perspective. Research for my first book, The Giving Prescription, shows that when we help someone else, we see our own struggles in a new light. Scientifically, helping offers several great ways to heal yourself, like increased personal connections, a sense of purpose, and an endorphin rush often called the “Helper’s High.”
Structured volunteer work is a great way to give back to others, but it isn’t the only way. Even just helping a colleague or a neighbor with a problem can earn you the same benefits. It doesn’t matter what kind of work specifically you do to help, as long as it’s meaningful to you. When you find a way to help that holds deep meaning for you, it helps you find perspective and a new way to think about your own struggles.
Step 3: Tackle Something Small
Have you heard the joke about “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!” When things feel like they’re out of your control, it’s important to take action steps to regain your personal power. So start by working on accomplishing something small. Studies show that accomplishing small things wthin our control helps us regain a feeling of personal power. When our personal power is missing, we feel helpless and hopeless, but by starting small, we can confront those feelings.
Look for a task that has a reasonable goal and a specific time limit. It can also help to choose something that plays to your strengths, so you won’t feel like the work is as much of a chore. Dedicate your time to accomplishing that one task before you move on to something else, and once you’ve accomplished that task, you should feel like your personal power is getting back on track.
Studies show that accomplishing small things wthin our control helps us regain a feeling of personal power.
It’s not shameful to feel like you want to give up. It’s a completely normal response to feeling like things are out of your control. Follow this 3-step action to both feel better and to regain actual control over your circumstances, and you’ll be on your way to having life eating out of the palm of your hand.
